No problem!
(This entry could also be called Practice What You Preach, Or Quick, Call Hoarder’s Anonymous)
Let me ‘splain.
We excel “in the business” upon organization. Hundreds of details to manage. So much so, that in the kitchen we commonly use the fancy French phrase “Mis en place” which loosely translated means “Be organized” (Everything in it’s place)
Now, in general, I don’t cook at home. Slow Scrambled eggs on an occasional weekend morning, and if company has slept over, maybe homefries (hot pan, lots of celery salt) Golden Grahams, Peanut butter and jelly, wings during football season. And, of course, bbq. (I love the grill any month of the year) That’s about it.
In the interest of full disclosure:
We don’t own a plate set to impress 8 dinner guests.
We have no punch bowl.
We don’t have a whisk, nor a dough mixer, juicer or robot coupe.
We have a measuring cup but I’m pretty sure somewhere along the way, the family had a meeting in my absence and decided that it should never, ever, (ever) be put in the same place twice.
This past weekend, we had a graduation party for my youngest (“empty nest” will NEVER apply to THIS house, as “empty” is an absurd notion. Read on)
Before the party, in her typical overly-stressed-before-a-party manner, my wife admonished my cavalier attitude about the bar set up by stating, with almost accuracy, and dead on zing; “We own two restaurants but our house party bars are always lame” (Oo, a challenge! No you d’int!)
**Note; The ensuing bar was awesome, as evidenced by the animated debate amongst 8 of us at 2AM. (or “everbody against Dad” as I heard it was defined the next day!)
Fast forward to today, where the epitome of disorganization was (finally) remedied.
After two portions of Starbucks coffee, drank from one of my “measuring cups’, in my frustrating search for black pepper for my hard boiled egg (ok, I boil eggs too) I decided to clean out one of our three food cabinets. The smallest one, I might add. I noticed months ago how many variations of black pepper we had, and today, it was time to attack this overflowing, embarrassingly cluttered cabinet.
And this is what I found;
Black Pepper:
-Shaker 1 (From that 10 year old diminishing dinner set)
-Shaker 2 (Stolen from the restaurant)
-Shaker 3 (very closely resembling #2…perhaps from a past graduation party…catered by…”us”)
-Whole peppercorns (in a large decorative glass jar that looked like it belonged in
“Yankee Candle” and made me wonder who the hell thought that was a good purchase or gift?
-A glass Pepper Mill (my buddy Jack wants to know why the hell we need to grind
our own pepper)
-Cardboard/disposable Pepper Cannister (from a long ago picnic or vacation perhaps?)
-McCormack refill can, regular size
-Mcormack refill jar, humongo size
-A Lemon pepper (A hot concept in, what…1985?)
-A “Tramp” Shaker (ala Lady and the Tramp…”Our” favorite movie. In, like, 1999.
-AND, of course, the essential feel good medium/large jar of “organic black pepper”
from Trader Joe’s. (it was here I started thinking of the “starving people in Africa”)
Of course there was red pepper, white pepper and crushed red pepper.
(a jar big enough to last a month at Suppa’s Pizza)
Then came salt. Shaker’s one, two and three. The re fill cylinder. Sea Salt from Trader Joes. Sea Salt from Sicily. (Must be, because the fancy little brushed pewter can had a label that said “Sicilian Sea Salt”)
Someshit called Salish. (in fine print “Smoked Sea Salt”)
A chicken rub, a seafood rub, an Emeril rub..
Oh, and a mini sea salt grinder by Mcormack. (for when Jack comes over)
If you’re not thinking “ridiculous” by now (and I’m not feeling embarrassed enough…)
2 rice wine vinegars
3 Balsamic vinegars (one was aged, and in a fancy “classic” bottle)
2 red wine vinegars, an apple cider vinegar and a white vinegar.
(What!? No Malt?)
A one pound restaurant jar of Celery Salt pulled from the wreckage of Cobblestones fire Circa, 2001 (for the Homefries for the friends that never sleep over), 2 dried mints, 3 dried basils (plus the one that was once a fresh basil), 2 Worcestershire sauces, 2 Curry Powders (For all the Vindaloo we cook), A large jar of poppy seeds (did I miss the day someone baked Kaiser rolls??), Cinnamon sticks from Mcormack… and from the Farmer’s market…and from Idlewhyde Farms (in a fancy plastic bag with a gourmet label), 2 Marjoram (whatever the hell that is!), 3 red granulated, no 4, red granulated sugars for Christmas cookies (that’s right, I said it…Christmas!) and…drumroll please….
4 cans of PAM!! (A regular, 1 Olive Oil, 1 Butter flavor, 1 organic!)
No, I’m not joking. This is a problem.
I’m not sure right now whether I should cook (alot of dishes for alot of people), call a therapist, fire me, or…start on the magazine’s in the bathroom!
I’m just sayin’
Leave a Reply