This is a 3 part blog post, inspired by boredom..and work obsession…and pent up energy…and pain meds…
NOTE: I am home recovering from surgery…under the very strict eye of my chosen caretaker…with little to do but nap, read, write, watch movies, plan the next restaurant…but definitely NOT cooking up kebobs on the grill out back…THAT little maneuver didn’t go over so well! Soooo…back to my 3 part blog…
PART I
I will slap you. That title is born of my urban NY upbringing. My “caretaker” will likely groan a little that my 2nd boyhood home had a lawn and trees. She fancies herself a tough chick from Lowell.
I grew up surrounded by “NY attutude”, from all directions– 2nd generation Italians-many who talked a great fight, fesity latino culture with genuine Rosie Perez sass, and hard-core steeped-in-no-bullshit black-American soulfulness. The latter, had perhaps the greatest influence on my growing up, and where I received my most focused lessons…and when Frances Lathan, mother to one of my most favorite people in the whole wide world-Terri Conner– said “…stop it or I WILL slap you”, she actually meant it. For the record, Frances (aka my Yonkers “mom”) never did actually slap me…though I was worried enough on occasion about the possibility. Nor did I ever SEE her slap Terri or any of “our” 3 sisters–though I do KNOW that it happened. Further more, though I heard the expression growing up too many times to recall, (unfortunately though, not in MY house!**) never once did Terri slap me, either. (Though, she DID bite me once…and that’s another story for another day…) Crystal, her “sister” never slapped me either. Nor did Spence. Or Jauques. Or Jeffrey. Or Chucky. Or Carla. Or Darlene. Or any of the other, many many people who have threatened to do so. “Boy, I will slap you” was sort of one of my many nick names back in the day, for a minute. Other nick names? “White boy”, “Whose the white boy?”, “My white friend”, “You’re in my seat” “What’s so funny white boy?”..among others!
At the end of the day… the expression–“I will slap you” is the same as; “Smarten up.” and (mostly) portends no ensuing violence.
Part II
At work, at my restaurants, we teach many many things relative to being “the best.” Those lessons are often life-worthy as well. And, somewhere in my Top 10 (The things that make us special, make us better) would be the lesson that we beat home all the time–but clearly, often, is just not enough. Or perhaps our words get lost. Or perhaps, we say it 1,000 times, but to 1,000 different people, and therefore, it is only “once per person”, and that is clearly…often… not enough. Here it is… ASK FOR HELP. That’s not all we teach. We drill it home (so we think) by applying life-lessons and motivational perspective! We say… “THE WEAK do not ask for help.” We say… “The STRONG are confident enough to know that help is needed, and they seek it. They say; “I need help.” We say “Be strong.”
Of course, getting the glasses of water filled, the order taken, the butter refilled, the table cleared…these things pale in life’s importance to alcoholism or depression or the many other ways folks need to be strong enough to “ask for help.” Nonetheless…tell a guest who is waiting for their drink that there are people out there who are truly sufferring, and see how far that gets you in business!!!
Part III
The excuse makers.
They surround us. Maybe, they are “the weak”–those who lack the confidence to say “I’m sorry” or “I thank you for the advice” or “I should have asked for help.” And, as sensitive as I am or I am not, they drive me crazy! ASK FOR HELP. (I will slap you)
Just a few nights ago, at COBBLESTONES, a server was near-struggling with too many tables. I noticed service becoming LESS than perfect, and sent a message to management that the server would soon need help. (NOTE: The server is amazing, mostly, and can handle alot. And, -they were doing a better job than most would do…and most of the service shortcomings were not noticeable to the casual diner–but…I am no casual diner, and I am not the guy who waits until “shit gets ugly.” (Back to Yonkers)
So, help arrived. In time. Numerous, team oriented, guest-committed, less busy staff members hit the patio and helped the server out. All better. Crisis averted. Check please.
In follow up, and appropriately so, the manager mentioned to the server; “Make sure you ASK FOR HELP” next time. (hint; The owner will not always be there to notice you heading for trouble)
There are so many proper responses, a few already listed above, that should have comne from the server. Instead, guess what they said? “I was too busy.” (I will slap you)
Reader…I am not sure if you feel my frustration right now….and why managers and owners in business feel like they can never actually leave the staff alone, that our jobs will never be done. “I was too busy.” (I will slap you)
We GIVE the staff the answer. We EXPLAIN that sometimes “It takes a village”. We emphasize constantly that we are not looking to judge or admonish, yell or dismiss…we ONLY want to provide excellent guest experience, and we will teach you how. And, we do. And, above almost all else, we teach time and again… WHEN YOU ARE TOO BUSY….ASK. FOR. HELP. (And, you will NOT be seen as weak. No, you are STRONG, and right, and excellent) We say “all oars in the water, rowing together..” We say, be the fastest boat. We say “ASK FOR HELP” (I will slap you)
I wanted to ask the server…
Will you be too busy to scream “FIRE”? To dial 9-1-1? Too busy to say “HELP, I’m drowning”, so someone can throw you a life preserver?
Is THAT what you will say at Heaven’s Gate? I was too busy. Which brings me to a humorous ending (after all, it’s not cancer…) to end this 3 part rant and get back to…um…naptime??
How funny woud it be…at the gate…the good Lord’s halo sparkling, white robes glowing, angels playing stoop ball against puffy-white clouds, Reverend Al Green playing in the background…as the Lord looks down upon your humble-but-now-dead-ass and says;
“Say what? You were too damned busy to ask for help? Maaan…I will slap you! Now look atcha! Get in here and grab a beverage and stop your foolishness!”
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